Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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