Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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