I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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