so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
