You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
