I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
