I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
