i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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