Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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