you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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