the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
