So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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