I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
