i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
