I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
