did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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