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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
P.S. I can't hear my feet
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
