would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
