4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
