You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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