I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize