i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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