I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
