I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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