seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
