how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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