My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
