Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
