I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
