Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
