I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
