Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
