Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
