i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
