i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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