I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
