You're so nebulous sometimes
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
