He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
