If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
