Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
