Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
