I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
