Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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