Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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