A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
