3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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