Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
