Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
