HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize