i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
