dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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