Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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