so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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