So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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