I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What a dumb baby whore.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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