Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
