i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
