I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
