You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm passing your future prison.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
