Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
