I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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