so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize