I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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