look no pants
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
