You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
