hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
