You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
