you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
