Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
