I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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