how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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