Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
